human in the making

- J. Grace (UK)

i barely feel human at the best of times

or to say,

i only feel human in the moment,

the moment moves like waves through

my hands,

or maybe, a slow stream of droplets

that turn into a frantic splattering of

water as i grasp desperately,

erratically, at drops too fast to cup in

my hands,

or i should probably say i only feel human when i am with others, with you, with them,

with myself,

with the cat who visits our home uninvited

but welcomed none the less,

or perhaps i only feel human when

i am seen

i am here

i am real,

but only real enough to touch right

now before i change my mind, 

or perhaps i don’t know what it is to

be human except to be here,

be content alone,

content with you,

with them, 

or maybe i desire too much to be human,

a grand idea with no way to execute this plan to be real,

perhaps i’m only as human as i feel,

so today i feel human,

but only with a great deal of effort